21 Things I'd Like to Do With Spammers
I own several websites and have multiple email addresses and contact forms. So I deal with my share of spam. Actually, I think I get more than a fair share of spam. Over time, this endless battle with spam has planted seeds of hatred that have become full-grown trees of animosity.
How much do I hate spammers, you ask. Let me share my desires with you.
21 Things I'd Like to Do With Spammers
1. Make them sit through a 12-hour marathon presentation about discount mortgages, free software, Paris Hilton and Viagra ... hosted by Dr. Phil.
2. Drop them on an uncharted island, sew their lips together, and make them communicate solely through the use of hand puppets.
3. Fill their pockets with hamburger meat and give them a 90-second head start before releasing the wolves.
4. Strap them into recliners, clamp their eyes open (Clockwork Orange style), and make them watch Ishtar over and over again.
5. Coat them with honey and tie them down over the fire ant mounds behind my house.
6. Make them stroll through Reagan International Airport wearing t-shirts that say "Ask Me About Shoe Bombs."
7. Drop them off at a stock car race in Alabama on a Friday night wearing sandwich-board signs that say "Honk if you love the Teletubbies."
8. Tie them down beneath a hive of killer bees, smack the hive like a piñata on Cinco de Mayo, and then take off running.
9. Force them to walk through a slaughterhouse blindfolded and eat the first moist item they come in contact with.
10. Put them on "Dancing with the Stars" partnered up with members of "The View."
11. Make them go duck hunting with Dick Cheney.
12. Put them on a new version of Fear Factor with host Charles Manson.
13. Make them compete for First Place in an eyelid-yanking contest.
14. Make them jog through Death Valley in thermal underwear and mittens.
15. Have them compete in a sailboat race when the next "perfect storm" comes around.
16. Have them sail through the pirate-infested waters off East Africa in a ship flagged as the "SS Moneybags."
17. Sign them up for hundreds of magazine subscriptions using the "bill me later" option and their mailing address.
18. Give their phone number to every Army recruiting office in the U.S. with a note: "Can you tell me about opportunities in the U.S. Army?"
19. On their behalf, mail letters to Mike Tyson insulting his mother.
20. Let them take over for the cleanup crews who follows elephants during circus parades.
21. Send them to Iraq to replace troops on both sides of the conflict.
Do I have anger issues? I don't think so. I just feel it's important to share your feelings.
-Austin SEO Guy
How much do I hate spammers, you ask. Let me share my desires with you.
21 Things I'd Like to Do With Spammers
1. Make them sit through a 12-hour marathon presentation about discount mortgages, free software, Paris Hilton and Viagra ... hosted by Dr. Phil.
2. Drop them on an uncharted island, sew their lips together, and make them communicate solely through the use of hand puppets.
3. Fill their pockets with hamburger meat and give them a 90-second head start before releasing the wolves.4. Strap them into recliners, clamp their eyes open (Clockwork Orange style), and make them watch Ishtar over and over again.
5. Coat them with honey and tie them down over the fire ant mounds behind my house.
6. Make them stroll through Reagan International Airport wearing t-shirts that say "Ask Me About Shoe Bombs."
7. Drop them off at a stock car race in Alabama on a Friday night wearing sandwich-board signs that say "Honk if you love the Teletubbies."
8. Tie them down beneath a hive of killer bees, smack the hive like a piñata on Cinco de Mayo, and then take off running.9. Force them to walk through a slaughterhouse blindfolded and eat the first moist item they come in contact with.
10. Put them on "Dancing with the Stars" partnered up with members of "The View."
11. Make them go duck hunting with Dick Cheney.
12. Put them on a new version of Fear Factor with host Charles Manson.
13. Make them compete for First Place in an eyelid-yanking contest.
14. Make them jog through Death Valley in thermal underwear and mittens.
15. Have them compete in a sailboat race when the next "perfect storm" comes around.
16. Have them sail through the pirate-infested waters off East Africa in a ship flagged as the "SS Moneybags."17. Sign them up for hundreds of magazine subscriptions using the "bill me later" option and their mailing address.
18. Give their phone number to every Army recruiting office in the U.S. with a note: "Can you tell me about opportunities in the U.S. Army?"
19. On their behalf, mail letters to Mike Tyson insulting his mother.
20. Let them take over for the cleanup crews who follows elephants during circus parades.21. Send them to Iraq to replace troops on both sides of the conflict.
Do I have anger issues? I don't think so. I just feel it's important to share your feelings.
-Austin SEO Guy
posted by Brandon at
4:35 PM
1 Comments:
I feel your pain, bro.
I hate spam filth with a passion. As far as i'm concerned, no death is painful enough for them.
You ever hear of a service called Blue Frog? That was an anti spam service that worked. So well in fact that their service was repeatedly hacked and their servers brought down so often that they had to fold.
They all should rot... slowly.
By
Nemesis, at 12:39 PM
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